


The Red Numbers

by gendakoujirou



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Anorexia, Body Image
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3203399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gendakoujirou/pseuds/gendakoujirou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But it was worth it, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Red Numbers

00.00. The four digital numbers of the scale glowed red like burning coals. They stared back at you evilly, repeating “Do you really want to know? Do you? Do you?” You felt your heart slam against your chest as you raised your leg up to step on. The familiar cold surface was unwelcoming, it was a surface that would determine everything for you. Your body grew numb as you took your other foot off the ground. Both of your feet grew cold as you stood on the scale. 20.34 lbs. Your heart skipped a beat as the first numbers showed up. 33.90 lbs. The number began to rise faster. 54.58 lbs. Seconds felt like minutes. 80.02 lbs.  
P-Please stop... You begged internally. Your knees grew weak. 93.67 lbs. Tears formed in your eyes, but your vision stayed clear. 113.75 lbs.

“Stop...!” You cried out loud. The tears began to fall at your feet. And it finally did. 120.97 lbs.

How could this happen? You worked so hard for the dance group this week, you were supposed to be at 110...

You break down crying on the tile floor, which seemed even colder than the scale. Did you not work hard enough? Did you eat too much? Your fingernails clawed at the bony arms hanging at your sides, your chest began to hurt from your rattled breathing, and soon the numbers turned to letters: F-A-T.

 

Your name is Hanayo. You are a 14 year old girl. And you are constantly plagued by the notion that your group is prettier than you, that you never work hard enough to make yourself look as pretty as they are, and that the only word that can describe you is glowing bright red at your knees on the scale.

 

Your group all gathered in the auditorium, their costumes for dress rehearsal on. They were all so beautiful...

“Hanayo... You’re sure you can practice today?” The group’s leader Honoka asked you as you all did your stretches, “You don’t look very well...”

“O-Of course I can!” You replied.  
What was she talking about? You felt fine. You were kind of nervous about having to practice twice as hard today, you pushed it to your limit at almost every practice... But it was worth it, right?

“Well, if you’re sure...” Honoka said. “Everyone! Let’s do our best today!” She announced, her smile as wide as ever.

“Yeah!!” the seven others cheered.

After everyone finished their stretches, you all were lined up in the usual order. You stood as tall as you could, you were definitely gonna stand out with how hard you were gonna work!

“Ready everyone?” Honoka cheered again. Without waiting for a reply, the music began. This was your favorite song, practicing it and dancing to it was so much fun... But this was no time for fun!

You started your part on your cue. Within seconds of starting, you already felt a bit tired. Yes, you were working hard! You had to keep it up.

Your muscles began to ache right when you began to sing your part. You were doing so well. You even noticed Rin smile at you when your part ended. Smiling back, you began to sing the chorus with everyone.

But the pain in your arms and legs was getting exhausting. Your breath became short. Singing along with everyone while you were dancing became difficult. But you had to keep going! It would all be worth it soon... Right...?

Seconds soon turned to minutes. Then minutes into hours. The happy tune of the music continued. You’ve never felt this much pain in your life... Was it over? Could you finally stop? Could you end the pain already? You didn’t want this anymore. You hated feeling like this. You wanted it to stop.

Soon, your prayers were answered. The song finally ended. What a relief...

“Good job, everyone!” Honoka’s happy voice sounded once again. “Everyone worked hard, especially you, Hanay-...”

You were exhausted. The palms of your hands pressed against your knees hard. You breathed heavily, yet even breathing hurt your muscles.

“Hanayo, what’s wrong?” She asked you.

“You don’t usually get this tired.” Eli said, “I know how hard you work during every practice, and you’re always doing extra exercise outside of practice.”

“I... I’m f-fine...” The pain coursed through your entire body. Your tongue felt like sand. Your bones felt like glass. Everything felt like it would collapse- and soon you did.

“HANAYO!!” Everyone exclaimed as you fell to the ground with a thud. They all gathered around you.

“I’m... I’m sorry...” You tried to get up. You had to keep going...

“No, you can’t get up, you’re in too much pain.” Eli kept you down. “I should’ve known. Avoiding lunch with us because you say you’re not hungry, vigorous exercise, comments on how you need to diet and watch your figure...”

“Hanayo...” Rin looked like she would cry...

“I’m sorry. I should’ve looked after you and supported you.” Eli continued. She looked like she would cry too.

“Look, this isn’t the best option for you...” Honoka said. “Not eating will only harm you, it’s not healthy... Th-There are healthier options!”

“Honoka’s right.” Eli said. “We can always help you diet...”

“And we’ll always be there for you!! We don’t want to see you hurt like this!! We’ll support you, and we’ll help you because we really care about you!” Rin began to cry.

“Everyone...” The pain in your body was still intense, but it didn’t feel as bad now somehow... “Thank you for caring...”

“W... We should get you some extra help. We can only do so much for you.” Eli continued. “We can all talk to your parents about getting you the help you need.”

“That would be okay...” You said, “I don’t want to feel like this anymore... Practicing with you all is so much fun, I don’t want to lose that ever...”

“But first, we should get you up!” Rin’s tears suddenly stopped, and she began to smile. “Let’s get you to the nurse.”

They helped you up gently, your muscles continuing their agonizing pain. But it wasn’t too bad, with your friends all around you, helping you.

“Thank you, everyone...”

“I think that’s it for practice today.” Honoka said.

 


End file.
